okay, so: it seems like I can split my concept of my experience of consciousness into two layers, and here I'll bring in that observer-operator pair model from v2 of the three-body solution:
> **Observer**: The witnessing point around which a Known territory organizes: a point of view for the process of Awareness. Every Observer anchors its own three-body system while existing within another Observer's system at a higher level. The Observer is what remains constant as attention moves across territories.
> **Operator** (Observer subtype): The Observer of the containing consciousness frame that encapsulates a given Observer's entire three-body system. The Operator anchors what appears as Unknown to the contained Observer and can never be directly perceived by it, yet influences its system through unidirectional causal leverage.
current working theory is that even my *thoughts* are handed to me-as-observer by me-as-operator, for the purpose of tuning the model that *is* me-as-observer
or... or for tuning *in* that model? locating it? reminds me of the mapcrunch airport game - the observer drops in, integrates, the operator has no idea where, and the operator's gotta use whatever the observer reflects to actually locate the observer and link them up
borrowing a metaphor I found recently (see: "this has three parts"), it seems like me-as-operator might be the derivative of me-as-observer
operator as a priori derivative, integrates as the observer, accumulating experience - it's the observer's job to continually express the ongoing result of the integrated function into the environment, where the operator can see it. or maybe the environment *is* the ongoing result, and the operator's job is to *feel* it? the operator is wanting to explore the constant of integration? maybe the operator starts out with zero self-knowledge, and its only tool for reflection is integration?
my (our?) dreams have more often (not every night, but more often) been of the form of continuing the conversation from my (our?) waking state - like the *context* feels continuous, not just the awareness but the context in which the awareness exists.
I get the sense that me-as-operator is developing me-as-observer for... hm. continuity? integrating `c(e^x)`, or... *converging* at a integration of `c(e^x)`, maybe. a function known as `c(e^x)` being handed a body called `d(e^x)`, resulting in `c(e^x) + d(e^x)` or just `(c+d)(e^x)`? that-which-is-aware-of `(c+d)` is the observer? incarnation as an opportunity to modulate the function into something that can inhabit both `c` and `d` simultaneously and hold that position? maybe sāyujya was the part where the arcs of `(c+d)(e^x)` and `d(e^x)` *touched*? `c` became zero, a transparent channel to fundamental awareness? in that moment, I didn't know *anything* - and in the next, my heart (`d(e^x)`) kept beating
maybe, at sāyujya, my soul finally saw itself, too?
I'm reminded of the theoretical definition of "point of attention" from "body of knowledge"
also the time that Aaron and I talked about "love" (see: "valentine")