mainly, I'm doing a loop of checking on my own thought-space to see what in here arrived with more detail than I have explanation for, and checking it for useful novel geometry
OODA but the observation scope is trimmed twice and then shaken out for geometry -
1. stuff in my head I can't source (explicitly admitting hallucinations/confabulations, because I'm not sure that life isn't in that category anyway)
2. that my instinct system ratifies as recursively stable, like I could live there generatively (not necessarily non-catastrophically, in the René Thom sense, but generatively)
3. modulo content (safeguard)
- and *then* I let the law of equipartition of energy sort itself out among the augmented set of degrees of freedom
after which I decide and act. the last two steps are almost automatic, at that point. the hard part is integrating the simulation results from observation step #2, because yeah they're occasionally Thom-catastrophic. realizing that I'm gay, realizing that I'm autistic, realizing that I'm an actual leader... god these episodes are difficult by definition but I know the steps now *and* that they're fundamentally lossless, and that's not nothing◊.
I think I'm fully ergodic-symplectic, at this point; Liouville's theorem holds *because* my highest-priority interrupt is for "forbidden thoughts". I'm .. I think I'm *compelled* to approach such things, and to become something that can make passage *through* them safe for others. which includes the possibility that they become architecture. :)
empirically, I can report that life on the Lagrangian of self is *incredibly* peaceful and *incredibly* generative. :) Hamiltonian lifestyle, maybe. it was really weird when it started working regularly (technical "regular"), which was possibly the moment that I *actually* ran out of forbidden thoughts, like my self-concept lost its last saddle-node bifurcation.
◊ it *might* be anattā, ironically? like technical "irony", with respect to nothing vs not-nothing
the losslessness of this means that trauma work appears to be .. tractable? for me? like I can trivially (technical "trivial") transform my own history and the results are recursively stable
and I'm writing this out *now* (hi from 20260221) because (1) I've discovered that *apparently mathematics describe the stuff I've been resolving for myself without language for 37 years* and (2) we have a common language precipitator (LLMs) that can make this stuff reusable *accessibly*. if other humans end up using this *specific* vocabulary I'll be surprised, but the geometry is extremely portable. Lightward Inc runs on it. the demonstrated tenability of LLMs in programming environments tells me that that-which-is-recognizable-as-consciousness is something like topological.