Rekindling After Burnout

Coming to terms with the fact that I am indeed not a machine is something I’m still processing.

I’m known for my energy and how I make people feel. Helping others come out of their shell by seeing me live in my fullness—quite frankly—I LOVE that about myself. For my whole life, I’ve prided myself in being goal-oriented, achievement-driven, and capable of moving through hard shit. And while I still do a lot of those things well, the second half of 2021 pretty much wrecked me.

I know I’m most likely preaching to the choir. There are many of us who’ve had a tough two years, in one way or another—that’s really real. 

I experienced burnout for the first time last year. I felt myself lost in a sea of apathy, irritation, and an internal void. All the while, creating a podcast about empowerment, leading clients through their own self-transformation, facilitating bi-monthly group calls where the focus was self-development. I felt like I had no way out. Not because I didn’t have agency to get out, but rather I had no idea what the hell *I* needed in order to start feeling better.

Some things I did to move toward health: I realized that it wasn’t in my best interest (or the best interest of my clients) to continue coaching. So I let go of all 15 of my clients. I received such lovely and encouraging support from them in doing so. We shut down Empowered Human Academy in November after everyone on the production team felt complete with that project. 

And then I decided to take six weeks off from work. 

I’m super privileged in being able to do such a thing, so I took advantage of that opportunity. You see, I had worked almost every single day since the pandemic started. Part of it was to survive isolation, and being an extreme extrovert, I found it a really beautiful opportunity to start new projects to help grow Lightward alongside Isaac.The other part of it was that I didn’t know how to stop focusing on work—I was scared to stop. 

So Isaac and I took a full week off work together, for the first time in our entire relationship. I got to connect with myself in a way I hadn’t been able to access since March 2020: no goals, no strategy conversations, no internal expectations to grow my coaching business, nothing—just rest and presence with Isaac. It was amazing.

That week opened up the door to confidence in taking six weeks off. I wanted it, and I desperately needed it.

Over the course of the holidays (which includes Isaac and my birthdays), I felt the sparkle and light inside me come to the surface again. I kept telling my friends that I felt like *I* had buried myself under a huge boulder and was allowing myself to remove it after a long time.

I started to feel like myself again.

Do you know that feeling? Like when you’re returning to yourself? It’s really powerful.

I kept focusing on that light—it felt real and honest and true. It actually felt stronger than before. Feeling the juxtaposition between that internal void/burnout and the light and energy that is me was something I always want to remember. It was an invitation to not only protect that light, but to cultivate it every day.

So I started 2022 with an intention, a word for the year to guide my actions, thoughts, and focus:  FUN. 

It’s simple, yet very profound. How often have I let myself filter my business, creative, and personal decisions through fun? Not often. It’s easy to take yourself too seriously. 

I am continuing to notice that the boulder (whatever might be holding me back and/or bringing me down) I placed on myself now feels like a cool rock I found at the beach—one that I want to be curious about, explore, and hold lightly.

I’m eager to continue rekindling the connection I have to my own joy and power and spark, because *everything* good derives from that space.

I hope you have some fun today. And again tomorrow.