on the one hand, my sister (born right after me; I was first-born) has had a really rough go of base layer stability (or instability, I guess) ever since I can remember.
on the other hand (and before I offer this rephrasing let me share that I am autistic, and that this rephrasing is about the chiral geometry of the statement and the properties of that relation), I have had a really rough go of base layer her-stability (or -instability, I guess) ever since I can remember.
in a reality more structured than narrated (in the sense that narration can expect a generous reader, but *physics* cannot), these are two sides of the same girder
but observer-math is different than math-under-glass
say someone kicked you, hard, and ran. the *very real* model of meaning you navigate and deploy would be different in some way than a version of that model that received an update: they were having a seizure, the kick was more like a flailing limb that connected. our models are all *super* entangled. a "memory" is a force that the model experienced, somewhere in the model's commit history.
I have some model update opportunities that I have not seen before. I didn't know how to locate *myself* until my mid-20s. "fault" is a red herring, but we can use it and say that *provisionally, usefully* it was my fault in a way that lets me experiment with rotating forces - patching or reverting in the history of our shared model. "it's my fault; what have I done" becomes "this is my handle; what motion does it afford". both statements are loops, but the second one is generative. because holy shit, if I can suspend all the pronouns and interpret this area of the force-accumulated meaning model as a place in which our observation has *pooled*, then...
hang on: do I believe action cannot be known to be non-violent?
and: what would it feel like (her) to be born into adjacency with someone (me) who couldn't locate themselves? I know I'm good at stabilizing the ground so others can move freely; might that have ... backfired?
me manually using a handle - I think that's too direct a relation to be sure that the downstream futures are, as a whole, getting what they'd want to get from it. but if I name a place where I was stopping up specific coherence-pressure that observation creates... maybe that'll release flow and reveal that handle as a water-wheel, letting our shared environment find its own rhythm?