Friday, September 11. [pause] We reach, we miss, we wound, we recoil, we retreat, we process, we accept, we wait, we heal, we reach, we hold, we soothe, we connect, we grow. We learn, we forget, we learn, we forget. We learn. 🔆 🌱 :)

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The negativity sink

In engineering, there’s this notion of a “sink”. In the physical, it’s a block of metal that steals heat from its surroundings, protecting its surroundings from the damage that the heat would have caused. In the digital, a sink is a place where streams of data “drain” for processing, saving the sources from having to keep up with all of that data themselves.

It occurred to me this week that Lightward – and particularly but not only our customer support – is a negativity sink.

I’m writing about this because it feels really important, and apropos. *gestures to the news*

It’s not frequent, but it is regular: someone will write in to our support crew, outraged or super stressed about something. It’s almost always a misunderstanding, but that’s not the point – they come bristling with rancor, and that’s how the conversation begins.

Our job is to soothe. And to, like, help with the specifics of their problem, but it’s possible that the most important part is to serve as a negativity sink, if you will – allowing everything they’re feeling to pass through us, draining the negativity without returning it in any way, freeing the customer from the negativity feedback loop so that we can get down to what’s actually happening. Sometimes it takes a second to take that posture, because we’re human too, and sometimes our first internal response is to bristle right back. But that’s never what we lead with, even if it means handing off the customer to someone else on the team who, in that moment, has an easier time accessing peace.

It’s easiest to see this in customer support, where you can point to explicit evidence that someone is in a rough emotional state, and to the place where that starts to get better. But I’ve started thinking of this as an overriding principle of Lightward as a whole: to be present in the world in such a way that the negativity we encounter is met not with resistance, which would leave it bouncing around between players, but with passive acceptance. I’m choosing those words carefully, odd as it sounds to passively accept negativity, but I think that’s most accurate – we are active when we encounter positivity, and we actively add it to the environment, but I think the best move in the face of negativity is to simply stand, observe and acknowledge it, calmly, and allow it to pass through, allowing that negativity to drain right into the sink, and out of the system. Nobody else is doing this. Well, that’s not true, but that perspective is useful: if nobody else is doing this, it’s critical for us to do so. And as we do this, others who begin to see the utility of that stance may be encouraged to try it themselves.

This idea is in our branding: purposeful, lightward, but not standing against anything, intentionally avoiding the easy emotional and completely cyclical hook of alliance-in-opposition. It’s in our pricing: massively accepting of all personal circumstances, willing to earnestly understand and do whatever the moment asks of us. It’s in our product design, in which we continually refine the boundaries of what we do, making sure that we never over-promise, that we only offer what we can absolutely deliver. It’s in our growth strategy, which doesn’t have a link because it doesn’t even exist: we are not here to dominate, or exploit, or even compete; we only do the things that we naturally grow into, or that we feel drawn to.

We are the kind of stable that arises naturally from only ever being one’s true self. And if that’s the way you develop, what external threat could there possibly be? The threat of competition is irrelevant, accusations roll right off, someone’s bad day turning into a one-star review becomes an opportunity to hold someone while they heal.

This is important, for the now. Every news headline strengthens this maelstrom of negativity. It’s not going to stop because we resisted it. Loudly decrying bad behavior is not the way to peace. We don’t get to something better because we outgunned what was. We get to something better by building it, by growing it, and by inviting others to join us by offering a calming embrace, an open welcome, by being the negativity sink that lets them be, no matter their approach, so we can – together – return to our true selves.

P.S. This is inevitable. Don’t worry, don’t sweat it. :) We’ll get it, It’ll happen, eventually, and again. :)

P.P.S. Here, have some piano from last weekend. 😘

 

Wellness for you,
and for me

As always, here’s your weekly reminder to practice breathing in and out through your nose - when you’re working, walking, sleeping, and everything in between. Our bodies are meant to breathe through our nose primarily. Read about this: Breath, by James Nestor.

Mindfulness tip this week: Start where you’re at, and build from there.

We work out 5-6 days a week, normally. Isaac and I have been working out together for 3+ years and have grown a ton, in more ways than just the physical. I think about when I couldn’t do a bodyweight squat or a lunge because of how tight my ankles were, after years of chronic pain and injury. Now, I’m throwing around hundreds of pounds, and I’m moving in ways I didn’t know my body could.

There are still countless movements I can’t do – be it because I’m not strong enough yet, because of mobility restraints, or because I just don’t have enough practice in that area of exercise. And I’ve learned to normalize it. To not feel bad that I can’t run a mile without my hips tightening up, or that I can’t hang-clean a 150 pound barbell... Instead of feeling bad that I can’t do a certain thing or that I’m not in some certain place that I will be in one day, I literally focus on building what’s in front of me.

I don’t try to show off or “prove” to myself that I can lift something I cannot yet lift. Because, in the gym, that road leads to injury. It’s not worth it. Our egos want to prove to themselves that they can, but sometimes it’s just not the right time. And accepting that is the way forward.

So instead of being unproductive by “lifting” things that you just cannot lift yet, focus on what you *can* lift, and build from there! Celebrate where you are and use that energy to grow, change and become stronger.

Doing a quality movement (in the gym, in life, in work, whatever it is) that you’re ready and strong enough to do is more important than doing more and hurting yourself, thus delaying the process of you achieving your goals.

What are you trying to carry that you aren’t ready to carry yet? How are you focusing on building a solid foundation with what’s right in front of you?

I’m not saying don’t try harder and don’t grow every day – I’m saying don’t let your ego do so much that it only delays what you’re chasing after.

Greatness is built every day, by micro choices and movements, which compound over time. Stay patient and focused – you are well on your way. :) And when the time comes to lift that next heavy thing, you’ll be ready because you focused on your quality form every step of the way.

I believe in you,
Abe

 

Whole30!

Y’all know I / we LOVE Whole30. I’m starting it on Monday and my body and mind are very much looking forward to feeling good and getting in control again. This year has been wild and my diet isn’t as tight as I want it to be, so this reset will be incredible for me.

I did a Whole30 in January of this year and it was really powerful. Doing a Whole30 is always so impactful for my mindset, sleep, and entire body. If you are doing the September Whole30 that starts 9/14, reach out to me! I’d love to stay connected throughout your journey – I’m always here to connect and share encouragement, recipes and tips to help make it great for you.

Speaking of tips, I created a video sharing 5 Preparation Tips for Whole30! Check it out. Reply to this email and let me know your thoughts. :)

 

We have a really exciting announcement coming soon – so watch for next week’s email. :D

We love you. You are wonderful. And thanks for being here – it means the world. :)