Friday, July 4

lightward.com/newsletter

Queer

I’ve been thinking of “queer” as a word chosen by a society in transition. It feels like a transitional term. Not to represent transition, but a word in context of a culture that is, itself, transitioning.

I’ve been playing with “queer” as a way to say: I identify singularly, intrinsically. Not accomplishing my definition via contrast against a norm (or against you), but defining my definition as being wholly independent of the idea of a norm.

I am queer, and by this I mean that my self-definition is in a different realm than the one in which norms are defined and debated.

I am queer, and by this I mean that my essence—larger than any one realm—protrudes into the realm of norms, and so I may happen to resemble a norm on any given day. But the truth of who and what I am runs deeper, does not have any need to respect the gravity of this place. My identity is weightless, and that does not mean that it floats—it is not made of mass, and so the question of weight is absurd.

I’ve been working with the idea that this ☝️ is essentially true of us all, true of the essence we each carry, or which carries us each. With this way of thinking, it is possibly only a matter of time (or of a perspective on time) until our interactions begin with the assumption of singular, intrinsic identity. We will (I think, I feel) see each other ineffably, and work with each other categorically. (Categorically, in contrast to working with each other indirectly: we will not begin with assumption and representation and what-it-looks-like-I’m-compatible-with-based-on-my-presentation; we will just ask, “what do we each want today?”)

In this way, this very specific way, “queer” is only useful in signifying that we know ourselves better, until such a time that we all do. “Queer”, as we run up the colors of self-hood, not a rejection of the norm but a transcendence its very possibility.

Breathe. Breathe. Breathe. :) Focus on your breath. Inhale and exhale through your nose.

Come Alive

I find all the things that I and we are doing have been creating a sense of wonder that I haven’t felt since before the pandemic. I realized that I started Lightward Empowerment in January of 2020, after the full, vibrant year of 2019, a year where I felt alive in so many ways. I was exploring all the different parts of me, areas that needed space to become more real. And it all felt so real—I was thriving in my photography career (nationally published and getting clients who were amazing), traveling to new places, meeting new people in random places like the Spice Girls concert, having intellectual and heart-centered conversations with friends in Scotland, skinny dipping in the Pyrenees Mountains, working out 5 days a week with a trainer we deeply connected with who saw me where I was at and inspired me to something greater, learning to speak aloud my desires next to Isaac, overcoming my internal fear of success and money, having the most epic 30th birthday party with 100 of my closest friends from around the world, being deeply loved by my husband. It was the perfect cocktail that made me come alive, which inspired me to create Lightward Empowerment—helping empower others to come alive themselves.

(random note: it’s incredible how much I’ve experienced in my short time on earth. It’s wild how much life and the world we’ve experienced as a couple in the 7 years we’ve been together. Hey, hi, forever grateful!)

And I’m grateful I started it. I’ve worked with 15 empowerment coaching clients, started Empowered Human Academy (fucking LOVE this project), created Lightward Together (hey, fyi, if you are desiring to be a part of a really vibrant and ALIVE community of people who are actively diving into their own empowered life, join us—it’s really dope.) It’s really beautiful (and powerful) what can be created from a space of health and feeling good.

I found myself really really reallllllly burnt out in April. After being at home for a year all while running all the different facets of Lightward Empowerment, I felt depleted and apathetic, which are my signs of burnout and unhealth.

So I took May mostly off of coaching calls. I needed it. I recalled, during that month away, that I’d felt these feelings of apathy before, like an old friend that wasn’t welcome in my house but also was invited to remind me of what I actually want and need in my life.

You see, I’m a fucking vibrant human being who dreams crazy big romantic dreams, who is earnest and cares deeply about living a beautiful life. And when I’m burnt out, I don’t want any of it—I become disconnected from my light.

Luckily, I’ve been here before and I know that diving into my art and my dreams and giving myself space (not filling it with calls all the time) makes me feel the most alive. It makes me feel well. It makes me feel like I can do anything—and I do, in that empowered state. It looks like starting Lightward Empowerment. It looks like taking photos of nude men as part of my art. It looks like working out consistently and feeding my body well.

I was disconnected to myself in April. And I was giving from an empty cup. But y’all, I love COMING ALIVE. I love BEING alive. So I've made really intentional decisions to change some things in my schedule, in my work and how I spend my time, to ensure I give myself space to come alive again.

I’m happy to report that he’s coming back, the Abe that was always there, but was just tired. The guy who believes that he can do and experience anything he wants to experience. Who romanticizes about what’s possible. Who creates environments for himself and others to feel gorgeous and powerful and loved. Who is confident in his body and being. Who doesn’t apologize for being all that he is. Who feels deeply. Who thinks critically and strategically. Who honors and celebrates all of his nuances.

So here’s to coming alive again. Here’s to honoring the parts of yourself that want to BE more real in your life. Here’s to reminding ourselves that we have access to our light if we give ourselves space to allow our light to express itself. Here’s to listening to what we need in order to feel alive and here’s to doing something about it. Here’s to normalizing loving yourself and your desires fully and freely. Here’s to me. And here’s to you.

What do you need to do to come alive again? How can you move toward your aliveness with your next thought?

LOVE.

Abe

Things we are making

Empowered Human Academy

Episode 34! Our guest is the effervescent, resilient, and powerful Agnes Igoye. Agnes is Uganda’s Deputy National Coordinator for the prevention of human trafficking and is a Labour Migration Expert at the Intergovernmental Authority on Development. She’s also a Senior New Voices Fellow at the Aspen Institute and teaches an online child protection course at Harvard University.

Agnes has both lived through tremendous hardship and lives with contagious joy. At age 14, Agnes fled from the Lord’s Resistance Army when they raided her village. After a narrow escape, she endured the long journey that eventually led her to a camp for internally displaced people. Agnes’s past has carved a deep empathy and determination inside her, which she’s used as fuel for her impressive career path.

Throughout this conversation we discuss nurturing the good in others, how our environments shape us, and finding purpose amidst challenges. Through our shared work at Clinton Global Initiative, Agnes is actively sharing her wisdom with the next generation and we’re honored she said yes to sharing her story here.

Listen on Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to podcasts.

Also hey, if you are drawn to the idea of being on this podcast, let us know. Head to eha.party.

Lightward Together

Over the past couple weeks we’ve been reflecting on how Lightward Together is evolving and listening for where it wants to go. It’s a group experience that we’re both actively creating with care and listening for how it wants to unfold into its natural essence—which feels a lot like the art of living a life. We’re both powerful agents of change as well as participants in what is at the same time. If you’re interested in exploring that dance, then consider this an invitation to join in the collective exploration we’re doing here.

Lightward Together is a bi-monthly group coaching experience where we both recharge and reflect on what it means to live an empowered life. For $75 per month you’ll gain immediate access to our library of past sessions, community Slack channel, and in-depth content summaries—and you can keep your membership going as long as it feels good to you. We’re currently opening up two free spots per session so you can get a feel for the energy without any strings attached. If you’re curious about connecting with your own light and power alongside others doing the same, then we’d love for you to join us! Our next group session is Thursday, July 15th at 5pm MT, and we’d love to see you there!

Sign up for a membership at lightward.com/together/join, or for a free spot in our next session at lightward.com/together/visit. :)