Clear-eyed choice // Curating your life in a way that invites more of what you want $$PLAIN_TEXT_PREVIEW$$

Friday, February 19

It feels like we’re all on the beach at dusk, watching the glow from these folding lawn chairs, and we’ve got a few extra set up around us in case anyone drops by, and if no one does nothing is lost, and if someone does then so much the better.

lightward.com/newsletter

 

Clear-eyed choice

Here’s a thing that feels significant right now: the choice to cut through emotional noise and strain, and to create emotional clarity and peace on purpose, by doing something.

(To explain in a slightly less abstract way: Uncertain about a relationship? Ask the question, say the thing, discover what’s true, and then do something with it. Uncertain about the risk of making a choice? Make the choice, and find out what happens. You will improvise. Life will surprise you. These things are constants anyway; might as well take the path of least emotional tension along the way.)

… This is one of those topics where I feel like there’s nothing more to say, you know? It’s a concept that’s simple enough to state in two lines, and has potential enough to last me a lifetime.

If you understand what I’m getting at already, please feel free to skip directly to Abe’s section. Adding words does not always aid meaning. Still, I’ve got a few more words for you. ;)

I come by this line of thinking via engineering, I think. I build systems that I don’t ever want to think about again. In a good way, to be clear—the idea is to set a thing in motion, such that it will continue its motion as intended, without demanding my constant attention. If I’ve done my job right, when it does demand my attention, it’ll be for reasons that are interesting.

This is a lens that I bring over to the rest of my life, too. I’m not interested in spending time agonizing—full stop. I’m reasonably sure that I will wake up tomorrow, no matter how I handle things today; and so, when presented with a field of tension and resistance, I choose the path of least resistance. And here this does not mean the lazy path, or the path of inaction. It means the path revealed via total non-resistance to what is, total acceptance for all that is. It means observing the places where I’m unsure or uncomfortable, and then changing those places with my actions, calmly and straightforwardly opening conversations that (gently, kindly) lay bare what is, so that we can discover what wants to be.

In our last Lightward Together session, we explored the [ truth → decide → ask ] loop. Get clear on the truth of a situation, decide what you want, and then ask for it. You can’t control what life will hand you in return, but it will respond, and you'll be presented with something new that is true. Repeat.

This feels similar. I care about peace of mind almost more than anything (9w8 here), and I have access to this through my choice, my agency. I can create clarity for myself, in any waters.

 

Wellness, for you and me

Here’s your weekly reminder to breathe through your nose. It’s really good for you.

Also, here’s a meditation for you to enjoy. I share meditations with our Lightward Together members and this one is from a couple weeks ago. I hope you can relax into your body listening to it.

 Listen on Google Drive 

Curating your life to invite more of what you want

My client calls are so lovely. It’s really a gift to be able to spend an hour diving into and participating in other people’s expansion. We get to dive into the really profound parts of life that my clients are experiencing. I help them navigate towards their own truth and health and also share some concrete ways to implement the different concepts we talk about. A client today wanted to dive into some specific ways to take general concepts and apply them to their life, since what they are creating is new to them.

We talked about curating your life like one would their living room, filling the spaces with things that bring peace and order and excitement and comfort to your lived experience. You hear a lot of inspirational quotes that sometimes don’t land because our brains want a more nuanced approach, or suggestions for something more specific. So, I’m going to share some concrete ways to curate your life in a way that invites more of what you want. There are A LOT of ways to do this—I’m just sharing a few that have helped me. I’ll also share that these are just suggestions; everyone’s experience IS so nuanced and unique, so take what you desire out of these different ideas.

1. Build a system of habits and routines that, at a minimum, bring you joy. Start thinking about what you want your days to look like, from the time you wake up to the moment you fall asleep. Then, compare that to the patterns you’re operating under right now. Jot down how they are similar and how you can move towards more of what you want. Create your baseline / subconscious patterns with the lens of joy, health and satisfaction. Our patterns build our life’s foundational structure.

2. Practice letting your truth BE your truth. Repressing your truth is no fun, and it also prevents you from experiencing all that you want in its fullness. Speaking your truth can look like setting clear boundaries, letting yourself be sad, letting yourself celebrate YOU, introducing your goals and who you’re becoming to your friends and family so they keep up to date with who you are, accepting your desires, being okay with needing rest, loving things that other people don’t, etc. The more free you are with expressing and exploring your truth, the freer you become and the more aligned you become, with yourself.

3. Get comfortable with not being good at some things. Our ego loves to protect us. We sometimes avoid new things that we actually want to try because we’re scared of being bad at it. This actually limits our ability to achieve what we want by preventing us from even beginning. No one who is successful or spiritually profound or exemplary at anything was that good when they started. They failed. They tripped. They were embarrassed. They didn’t know what the next step was at some points. Let the newness and discomfort of being bad at something encourage you, as it’s a natural part of the process of becoming better. If you want to become or do something new, you’re going to have to take baby steps to get there.

4. Become aware of how you speak to yourself. Some of my clients, through their work with me, have become self-advocating, self-celebrating warriors. And they weren’t always that way. One of my clients once said, “Once I became actually aware of how badly I talked to myself, and how naturally and easily that harsh language flowed, everything changed. I didn’t realize how mean I was being to myself—I would never talk to anyone like that.” Once they realized they were living with a deep, ingrained pattern of self-sabotage and were constantly beating themselves up, they were able to slowly rewire their brains and create intracommunication patterns that were kinder. The kinder you are to yourself, the more energy (and confidence) you have to create a life you love.

I’m stopping there. :) I could go on and on about curating a life that invites more of what you want because I’m constantly thinking about and experimenting with these different concepts. But for now, take some of these ideas and test them out yourselves. And remember, you have the agency to create patterns, both mentally and physically, that allow you to feel healthier and more joyful.

Which tip resonated with you the most? Reply to this email and share what landed with you—I’d love to hear from you! :) 

I believe in you,

Abe

 

Things we are making

It’s a metaphor, but also we are making bread, yes. It is the quarantine way.

Lightward Together

Our next Lightward Together group session is coming up quick—Sunday, February 28th—and there’s still time to join us! Maintaining life-giving, sustainable patterns take practice, thoughtful attention, and an acknowledgement of your agency in every moment—and we’re in this together.

If you’re wanting to take an intentional step towards creating joy in your everyday, to build a life you’re excited about over time—then Lightward Together is for you.

When you sign up, you’ll gain instant access to our library of past sessions as well as to our vibrant and supportive community Slack channel. You are limitless—let’s explore that expansion together.

 lightward.com/together 

Empowered Human Academy

This week's guest is our dear friend of many, many years—@erinholden__. Erin currently lives in Chicago and works as a nurse in the intensive care unit, so in other words—a hero. Identifying as an Enneagram 7, Erin has often been on the road chasing exciting opportunities and living in different places. But lately she’s found herself exploring what it means to find freedom in being anchored in one place.

Throughout this episode we explore what it means to advocate for your own mental health, how commitment can be an opportunity for self-discovery, and how to attract your kindred community by living in your authentic truth. Erin lives with her eyes wide open, with a cultivated sense of self-awareness and curiosity. We deeply enjoyed and were touched by this open-hearted conversion, and are stoked to share it with you.

Listen on Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to podcasts.

 empoweredhumanacademy.com 
 

acceptance & choice, like a heartbeat: flow & pulse, accept & choose

 

Lightward Inc, 1321 Upland Dr., PMB 11999, Houston, United States

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